


You Tell Me

by sujired



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Extremely brief discussion of rape, Hurt/Comfort, Like 2 lines, M/M, Mentions of Death, mention of suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26019967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sujired/pseuds/sujired
Summary: Tsukishima might be amazing at schooling his expression to a bored, neutral look but after two years of friendship, Kageyama can see the underlying concern.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 4
Kudos: 94





	You Tell Me

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to Moonlight Sonata in C sharp for full immersion if you like.

“It’s funny.”

“What is?”

“I don’t know. All I know is that I find it funny.”

“Again, what is?”

“Death.”

“...”

“Well not the act of death, more like the thought of it.”

Silence.

“I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Is that so?”

“Of course. Do you want to die?”

“Are you saying you do?”

More silence.

“Hey-“

“What if I do?”

“What-?”

“Would that make me crazy?”

Pause. 

“Is it crazy to want to be free?”

“Free? What are you on about?”

“That’s a good question. I don’t know. But I’m not sad if you wanted to know.”

“Well...that’s good then.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“But I’ve never met anyone who thinks of dying and not feeling anything about it.”

“Now I know for sure you’ve never thought about it.”

Silence.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Hm?”

“‘Now I know for sure you’ve never thought about it.’ The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means what it means. You’ve never thought about your death.”

“Well, it isn’t exactly a family dinner conversation. No one goes around thinking about their death like it’s the weather.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah just...oh. Simple as that. No worries.”

“You say that but I will.”

“Will what?”

“Worry...about you? You’re saying all of that stuff so casually but you’re sounding kind of insane.”

“Wow, thanks for that.”

“I’m being serious.”

“And you think I wasn’t?”

“Well...I don’t know. You tell me.”

Silence. 

“What’s the point?”

“The point of what?”

“The point of...anything. We live, we die. Over and over again. We live in a society. We’re born to work for a living and then, in the end, it disappears with you.”

“To be honest with you, you’re starting to creep me out.”

“Think about it. That’s the thing I don’t get with everyone, why don’t we think about that more often?”

Pause. 

“We live for us.”

“For us?”

“For survival for ourselves.”

“But why can’t we have a choice?”

“A choice?”

“A choice whether I want to survive for myself.”

“Listen...if you’re trying to understand the meaning of life here, give up okay? No one knows the answer to that question.”

“I object.”

“You object-? Are you even listening to me, you can’t find an answer to the question of what’s the meaning of life okay? You’re gonna have to accept that. The quicker, the easier.”

“So if I go kill myself, then it shouldn’t matter in the end, because there’s no answer to what’s the meaning of life. Therefore that makes life meaningless and nothing matters.”

“What has gotten into you?”

“I’m just trying to make conversation.”

“And this is how you are trying to do that?”

“I mean, are we not conversing right now?”

Silence. 

“You amaze me. I don’t know why, but you do.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“I hope you’re not planning on doing anything stupid.”

“So taking my life would be viewed as stupid because…?”

“...are you seriously asking me that?”

“Yes”

A sigh.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, but you can tell me anything, you know that right?”

“You see?! You view what I said as something that possibly went ‘wrong’ with me but you can’t do that since what I’m doing ‘wrong’ is defined by humans who, if you think about it, made up what’s wrong or right. So theoretically speaking we don’t even know what’s really ‘wrong’ or ‘right’. Only our made up views on it.”

“Is murder wrong?”

Pause. 

“Depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“Was it murder out of rage and hurt or was it murder with no reasoning?”

“What about rape?”

“Ah, that is wrong.”

“And why do you say so?”

“Well! That’s because that’s hurting people!”

“So murdering, which hurts people in both scenarios of rage and hurt as well as of no reasoning, can be justified depending on the case but rape cannot?”

“Ahhh, I see why I keep you around.”

“Also going off of your point before, see how you automatically reacted to something being wrong or right, that’s just having basic human morals. Almost everyone has that, okay? Unless you’re a psychopath or something. It’s not something created out of thin air like nothing.”

“I see.”

“And another thing, you don’t ‘keep me around’, I choose to stay because...can’t believe I’m saying this to your face, but I care about you, okay?”

“Aw look at you, you can tell me you love me it’s okay.”

“Nevermind you’re gross. And I hate you.”

“I’m sure you do.”

Silence.

“But I’m starting to understand.”

“I’m glad because if you weren’t I’d kick you.”

“Why do you always resort to violence?”

“That seems like the only way to get through that thick skull of yours.”

“Hmm.”

“...”

“What?”

“Do you think about death often?”

“Would you like to know.”

“I’m being serious here asshole.”

“You pain me with your words. But to answer your question, I do.”

“Why?”

“I just think it’s...interesting.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You don’t know what’s on the other side.”

“That’s true.”

“Don’t you ever want to just know for sure what it’s like after death?”

“Not to the point where I would kill myself for it but I can understand slight curiosity about it.”

Silence. 

“You’re not...planning your death are you?”

“What? No, I’m not.”

“With all that talk earlier, it sure as hell sounds like you are starting to. And if that’s the case that’s gonna be a whole other conversation because there’s no way in hell I’m allowing you to do that.”

Silence.

“Kageyama?”

Kageyama looks up from his plate in front of him and stares into Tsukishima’s eyes. 

“I’ll ask again, you’re not thinking of killing yourself right?”

They’re both sitting at the dining table at Tsukishima's residence, the evening has fallen upon them and they’re both alone as Tsukishima’s family is out of town for the weekend. 

Kageyama’s attention flicked down to the pizza slice in front of him, which gives Tsukishima a form of an answer in it of itself. 

“Listen, as I said before, you can talk to me about anything-“

“I know.”

“So tell me then.”

“Tsukishima I swear to god I’m not planning on...doing that.”

“Look at me and say that to my face and maybe I’ll believe you.”

Blue meets yellow. 

Tsukishima might be amazing at schooling his expression to a bored, neutral look but after two years of friendship, Kageyama can see the underlying concern and stops to think. 

He’s sitting in front of Tsukishima, in his home, eating pizza and actually sleeping over willingly. Years ago if Kageyama was told that he’d be in the position that he is in today with the middle blocker he would’ve called them an idiot. But life changes, relationships are developed and friendships are created. They’ve both gotten good at understanding each other, and the riff that they had between each other closed and became non-existent. 

Kageyama is no stranger to having no one to fall back on. But Karasuno was different. He went from having no friends and team to having both, both who are willing to work with him the way he is. And Tsukishima is part of that. 

Tsukishima, who ended up time and time again showing Kageyama how much he cares for him in the rare moments they share between practices and tutoring sessions. Always making sure he doesn’t develop tunnel vision when it comes to volleyball and that Kageyama doesn’t get into his head too much. 

He knows things are different now, yet sometimes Kageyama can’t help but think it can all disappear at the drop of a hat. 

“Hey.”

Suddenly, Kageyama’s thoughts are interrupted as Tsukishima snaps his fingers in front of his face, blinking rapidly. Tsukishima’s eyebrows are scrunched together in worry now. 

Kageyama is more sure of anything than he ever has before as he stares at the boy in front of him. 

“I swear to god I would never take my own life.”

With eyes of determination, Kageyama straightens up, giving what he hopes was a reassuring smile. But knowing himself it probably came off as slightly creepy. 

He’s working on that. 

Tsukishima stares at Kageyama, almost as if searching for any signs of hesitance. But when he feels that he can confidently believe him, Tsukishima’s frame slouches a bit in hidden relief and looks down, smiling. 

“Good, I’d kill you before you could even try.”

“Love you Kei.”

Startled, Tsukishima's head snaps up to Kageyama, who's not even looking at him and is currently reaching for his slice of pizza in front of him. 

Red creeps onto his face as he responds. 

“Love you too...Tobio.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it this far thanks for reading!


End file.
